The Dangerous Game of Treasure Hunt
by Love Psychedelico
Summary: [CRACK] Some days are just not worth getting out of bed. Some days are just plain badeverything days. This day was one of those days. Much Kurdabashing, twoshot.


A.N. - Whee. Another one of those stupid Dangerous Game series. Not that they're a series... Nup nup. But this one will be a few chapters. This is what I do when I don't want to write the million DS series that I've started but not ended, when I don't want to study for the Chemistry exam on Monday, and when I get an urge to write something that's NOT angsty like all my other fics.

I am not Darren Shan. I do not own Darren Shan. If I were the author, I would be strangling myself for killing off all the hawt characters. On second thought, if I were the author, I'd be a man, therefore I will be running through all the gay bars in England like a rabid rabbit trying to hook up with a cute guy - not writing some horrifically demented fic like this. Shmeh, it sucks to be a gal.

Beware of OOC Kurda and slash hints!

* * *

**The Dangerous Game of Treasure Hunt**

* * *

Some days are just not worth getting out of bed.

Some days are just plain bad-everything days.

And it was one of those days, for Kurda Smahlt, future Prince and best-looking-man-in-the-prick-infested-Mountain, if he may say so himself.

He woke up in the wrong room, and found some unfamiliar vampire lying next to him in the same coffin. Naked.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, too many drinks last night (from laughing at a stripping Vanez), or pure lack of direction.

He also woke up with a cramp in every inch of his said-perfect body and, oh yes, the cliched "bad hair".

There were two HUGE, UGLY locks of hair sticking up like stupid antennas.

"Damn it", he cursed, "I need to go to the showers and dampen it to get it back down". He couldn't afford looking anything less than damn-straight-beautiful, he had to keep his reputation up.

So he did. He went to the waterfall showers, only to lean in too far to get knocked in completely by some stupid, sleepy, un-co vampire who bumped his ugly naked body into him.

So he crawled out of the puddle, wet, miserable, swearing, cold, hungry and knowing only too damn well that the only clean set of robes he had right now were the soaked ones on his body.

And he realised it was midday, and that he had missed a Generals' meeting. Another quick rush of swear words.

He went to Gavner's room to 'borrow' a set of clothes. Too big, damn it, it didn't fit his slim figure. But he had no other choice.

He went to the Great Hall for breakfast, enduring the strange glances people gave him as he walked around in with shaggy clothes that kept slipping off his shoulders and hips. He bumped into someone and spilt boiling bat-eyeball soup all over his own chest.

'I'm so. . . . sorry, are you. . . . alright?'

Harkat Mulds gasped, quickly grabbing some of his own robes and wiping Kurda's chest. Kurda gasped, searing pain of the hot liquid still lingering on his fair skin.

'NO! As a matter of fact, I really am NOT alright!'

He snapped, glaring at and pushing away Harkat who blinked back at him with those huge, emerald, innocent eyes. For a brief, fleeting moment, Kurda felt sorry for yelling at the Little Person. And then he remembered the incident of a few nights ago. The damned Truth or Dare - and although he refused to admit that he enjoyed it - he had to kiss a Little Person - a disgusting, horrendous creature of the meddler's making. The mere thought made him sick.

Kurda stood up abruptly, waving off Harkat's helping hand, and bent down to pick up his empty soup plate, only to receive a massive crack in his back and a cramp in his knee. He bit his lip in agony and groaned, cursing out loud.

This day was obviously not working out like Kurda wanted it to be.

God just seemed to hate him today.

It is said to be common sense, that when this happens, you should lock yourself up somewhere and stay as still as you can for the rest of the day.

Kurda liked common sense. What the hell, he thought, I'll go back to my room and spend the rest of the day drawing maps. A nice, relaxing day.

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

It really did.

But God just seemed to hate Kurda that day.

* * *

"WHAT THE. . .?" Kurda hissed, followed by a sequence of unmentionable swear words that a future Prince should not even know, let alone say out loud.

He stood at his desk, fists trembling, glaring at a piece of paper with what seemed like hurried scribbled words:

"MUAHAHAHAHA. Your maps have been abducted. If you want them back, go to the Sports Hall for your first clue. Have fun, and good luck hunting! - from you-have-no-idea-who."

Well, well, well, so much for "lock yourself up somewhere and stay as still as you can for the rest of the day".

Kurda cursed, only just sane enough to stop himself from grabbing a letter knife and sticking it deep into his forehead. Whoever wrote this note was going to get it - and not anything remotely as nice as murder by letter knife.

He planned out intently every detail of the culprit's gruesome death, as he dragged his legs gloomily to the Sports Hall.

* * *

As soon as Kurda entered the Sports Hall, Arra Sails came running over, waving around a piece of paper above her head.

'Kurda! I have your first clue!'

Oh, great. At least it saved me the trouble of finding the clue, thought Kurda, pushing messy blonde locks out of his face, trying his best to put on a friendly grin.

'. . . Who's behind this whole stupid thing, Arra? Is it Vanez? Gavner? Or. . .'

'Not allowed to tell!' She grinned, seemingly enjoying this to no extent.

'. . . . Tell me.'

'Never.'

' . . . . Please.'

'Nooope!'

'Arra. . . . ' Kurda hissed, seriously on the verge of strangling the vampiress. Sure, he loved peace, but this was just out of the question.

'You have to get your clue, and then your next clue, and then your next clue, and. . . .' She grinned, holding the piece of paper and winking.

'Give me the clue, then!'

Kurda snapped, in no mood whatsoever to be a polite gentleman. He tried to snatch the paper from Arra, but she was too quick - she rolled it up and popped it into her cleavage.

'You've got to fight the strongest man in the room, on whichever game of his choice, and if you win - you get the clue.'

'. . . . You _are _kidding me, right?'

'Take it or leave it.'

Fuck, is the first word that went through Kurda's mind. So was the second word. So was the third. Then he bit his lip so hard that it hurt, and sighed.

'Alright. . . . I take it.'

* * *

Kurda swore for the hundredth time that day, as he lost his balance and fell to the floor with a loud crash. Absent-mindedly he worried about his poor, perfect-shaped backside being bounced around hard surfaces too much. He glared at Arra Sails.

'Arra, this isn't even FAIR! Harkat Mulds isn't even a man in the first place, how could he qualify for being the strongest 'man' here?'

'Ooh!' Arra gasped exaggeratedly, a firm grin on her thin lips 'But _he's _equally as questionable a 'man' as you are, dear Prince-to-be!'

'. . . .What are you implying by that?'

'I thought you were smart enough to work that out by yourself.'

'I do _not_ look like a woman.'

'Many people may argue with that.'

'You . . . !'

'Watch out!'

'Don't you change the subject, you. . .'

SMASH. Harkat Mulds threw Kurda by the left leg and smashed him into the far side of the wrestling ring. 'Dang, I really should have listened to Arra', he thought, followed by a string of other thoughts: 'now I'm coughing up blood. Really not good for my complexion. Neither is it good if I want to be up for snogs later, because my mouth would taste foul.'

'Harkat, _please..._!' The blonde whispered in Harkat's (what seemed to be an) ear as he grabbed the man's shirt to chuck him again - '_please_, let me win, I really need those maps back - I swear I'll -'

Harkat's motion stopped mid-air as he waited for the vampire's next words. Kurda put on the best seductive face he could (however miserably bruised from all the violence), and whispered in a husky tone:

'I swear I'll do _anything_. . .'

Of course, with a strong, sexy emphasis on the 'anything' bit. That ought knock anyone out, Kurda smirked, it worked on all the Princes anyway.

Well, how else would one be nominated Prince at such a remarkably young age?

Naturally, this _did_ work, seeing as how Harkat let Kurda throw him by his robes, straight out of the ring where he lay still as stone. Arra blinked in disbelief, and grudgingly gave Kurda the clue.

"GREAT WORK. This is obviously your first clue, which obviously points to your second clue. For your second clue, go to the Princes' Hall. Within one of the pockets of the dark brooding Prince will lie your second clue. Good luck and don't die!'

Kurda felt a vein in his forehead go 'pop'. Whoever planned this was going to die the most gruesome, horrid death ever written in human (or vampire) history. He was going to pull that vampire's guts out, tie little knots in it, play skip-rope with it, make sausages with it and feed it to the unsuspecting Princes. Ha, that ought teach a lesson.

But all of that will only come true - _if_ he gets through his second task without dying.

Feeling around Mika Ver Leth's pockets isn't exactly what you'd do for leisure. Actually, you wouldn't dare go near him at all if you fear for your life.

Looks like I'll just have to shag my way through this thing, sighed Kurda, as he made his way to the Princes' Hall.

* * *

A.N. (continued) - Wah, it doesn't end here! It's in . . . two parts! I'll write more, I swear I will! If people want me to, of course. XD Suggestions are very very welcome on future clues and tasks (tortures) Kurda must go through in order to get his precious maps back.

I really need to thank all those people who reviewed "Dangerous Game of Six" and "Dangerous Game of Strip Poker", so here goes my attempt at responding to 30 or so reviews in one go. 'Strip Poker' I shall do next chapter. Just scroll down till you find your name! Damn, this is probably going to take up half the story's wordcount XDDD

**CirqueDuFreak56**

I'm so glad you loved it so much! I feel honoured to have given you a laughing fit, humour is something I try to work on XD Thanks for a constructive review!

**amzy**

Gavner and Kurda. . . Hmm, perhaps, one day! Or maybe next chapter. . . Whee!

**Fritz Will Get You**

Don't die! I'd miss you too much if you die laughing XD

**Psychogizmo**

I would too! 'Twould be hilarious to see any kind of Darren Shan done on cartoon or movie. XDD

**SugarInMyTea**

Yup XD I did do a sequel for you, just not. . . with Darren. One with Darren in it is enough as hell. But I did use all the others! XD Thanks for the inspiration!

**AmandaTheVampireLove**

Breathe, darling! Breathe! Do you need CPR? Mouth-to-mouth? XD Thank _you_ so much for reviewing!

**S-A **

I'm so glad you liked it so friggin' much XD. Poor Harkat! He needs his boxers. (nodnod) Really. Give them back to him. Now.

**incompetent.twitch**

Ooh, that is a good idea. . . Maybe I could do with some vampaneze action XD maybe next time, but thanks!

**Kirin the Vampiress **

I guess Kurda and Harkat are a weird. . . pairing. . . (points at Freaky) she made me do it! Lalalalala, not my fault! XD But not as interesting as VanchaHarkat as my brilliant god Inyx writes! Anyhow, thanks for all your warm praise and inspiration - much love and snogs and thanks!

**The Freaky Butt Mate**

(hides) That's as good as a review can get, I swear! It made me go all red and spluttering and sweat and squee! But you, my hero, it's thanks to you that I can write because you are the one who suggested KurHar, you crazy crazy person XD And you will forever be so much better than me XD (grovels at _your_ feet)

**Alasse Fefalas**

(yet again, points to Freaky) She suggested it! XDDDD It is somewhat of a WTF pairing, but aren't all slash pairings worthy of one or two WTF's? Hey, the WTF element makes a fic original. XD Okay, LartenGavner. . . I shall think on it. How'd you go playing Truth or Dare with your friends?

**cold-night09**

To your suggestion, I decided to make it a two-chapter story XD I hope you like this one too, and thankyou XD

**Inyx**

Whee, my God XD Yup, Gavnie is such a teddybear. (glomps him and drags him into bed) I would never know, I've never slept next to an airport before XDD stylishly challenged. . . LOL, well put, Gavner-fangirl. XDDDD Just like how I'm . . . vertically challenged. XD MikaVanez isn't your thing? . . . I agree it is somewhat of a WTF pairing. . . but so is KurdaHarkat XD I love those crazy ones. Just like your VanchaHarkat - and I wonder - when are you going to write more for your little squeeing fangirl? XDD

And huge glomps and snogs and thanks and praises to all these people: **Isarandel, Boredom Boy, cara, Viv, Tory Shan, demoninthegoddess'sview, Reyna, Queen lala, Silver Sky Magician, Skittles, kurdasmahltrawks, esther, speckridr, World'sDumbestNerd, Showjumper916, biolightning, VENCA BLANE, Fear The Walls Of Jericho - **whom due to time constraints and my lack of vocabulary could not bring myself to say much more than thanks. I grovel at your feet and I am willing to have all of your babies. Thankyou!


End file.
